Team members: Christian Patrick
Hometown: Woodside, New York, USA
Race vessel: Nacra 18 Square
LOA: 18′
Human propulsion: Pedal drive
Connect: website, facebook, instagram, twitter, youtube
TL;DR: Well, he’s a pornstar.
What did you expect? You know us.
There’s a parable about a frog and a scorpion. It’s overused, too long, and we’d probably get the details wrong anyway, but in the end, the scorpion kills the frog even though he promised not to, drowning them both mid-river. “It’s in my nature.”
Scorpions atop mid-river frogs, gamblers with layovers in Vegas, philanderers assigned to a client in Amsterdam, the R2AK writing team staring down the barrel of Team TryBabyTri—no matter how many promises you’ve made to be good, there are situations where the gravitational pull of the moment is simply too much, and no amount of deep breathing, self-affirmation, threats from your boss, or calls to your sponsor are going to save you. Rock bottom, here we come.
To be clear, we did make a deal: you’d let us take the bar soap out of our mouth if we’d stop writing stuff that made suburban moms squirm when they talked it over with their 12-year-olds. We promised. We did that.
…but he’s a pornstar for crissakes. How do we not talk about that?
Backstory 1: After some epic solo sailing and an Everglades Challenge or two, the sole crew member on Team TryBabyTri became one of the incredible characters of the R2AK. 2022 is going to be his third try for Ketchikan. We came to know Christian in 2017. While in specific ways he went all the way that year, in terms of Racing to Alaska he never completed the first stage—he and his scavenged proa were towed to shore in heavy weather off of not quite Victoria. In 2019 he was back, this time with a smaller, also scavenged boat. Made it all the way to, and knowing him also likely all the way in, Bella Bella before bowing out.
Backstory 2: He’s a legit adult film actor and professional dominatrix. How do we know?
- He told us, wanted us to help promote it, and even made his team website simply a link to one of his latest films that was a bit of a darling in recent North American LGBTQ film festivals. This one wasn’t one for the backroom, but he was in leather. The whole time.
- A few years ago his Master Avery persona popped into our newsfeed for his role in a performance art piece in which he tied up and then publicly and consensually beat a bound and bikini-clad artist with a belt as a protest against the Trump presidency’s repression of artists and free expression.
Sorry moms, we tried. This week’s conversation with R2AK’s preteens is going to be a little more involved than, “How’s school/ Fine.”
His boat? Right, he also has one of those. This time it’s a Nacra 20. A fast and beachable 20-foot catamaran that at least so far has dominated a particular niche market: the beach cat of choice for 100% of the pansexual dominatrix pornstars who have entered the R2AK. With nothing but fine mesh and 6 inches between him and the saltwater, our guess is that it will be a cold, wet, less than sexy, solo, and consensual painfest to Alaska. While he may have had the lead role in James Franco’s “Interior. Leather Bar.” without a cabin his trip will be all exterior, mostly drysuit.
Welcome back to the R2AK, Team TryBabyTri, and welcome back to our mouth, bar of soap.