Team members: Claude Monchamp, Mary Carrigan, Paul Monchamp, Thorston Hoefling, Serjei Moukminov
Hometown: Victoria, BC, Canada
Race vessel: 1974 Vandestadt Legend
LOA: 34′
Human propulsion: Pedal power using the original adjustable pitch prop and shaft.
TL;DR: Tin foil hats, Masons, JFK, George Soros, sharpened pitchforks, adrenochrome, and the potential that Ketchikan doesn’t actually exist.
Remember when conspiracy theories were fun? When the Masons threw surprise parties for Elvis and JFK in Area 51 because it was circled in red on the Mayan Calendar and sheet cakes were on sale at Costco?
Sure, the songs felt forced and the frosting was a little diabetes forward, but good times—right?
Back in the good old days, we sharpened our pitchforks because the Government was spreading gay communism (or whatever) with chemtrails while dentists worldwide were spreading dental health/socialism by putting fluoride in our freedom-loving water. Back then, George Soros and Kenyan-born presidents weren’t lurking in the basements of pizza parlors waiting to harvest adrenochrome from unsuspecting children. Yet.
These were simpler times.
Somewhere between Queen Elizabeth icing Princess Di and the CIA orchestrating 9/11, around the moment Al Gore Kenyan birthed the internet, in the last 20–30 years conspiracies turned ugly. These days, people have traded wearing tin foil helmets to block aliens/the government from stealing their thoughts, for flak jackets, American flags, storming the capital and live Tweeting all of their thoughts 24/7 with an entire, and legally binding internet.
Thank god for Birds Aren’t Real; because they aren’t, and the world needs a conspiracy that doesn’t require a handgun, antisemitism, or an emergency supply of food/water/adrenochrome.
What in the Gnomes of Zurich does any of this have to do with Racing 2 Alaska?
Fair question.
Our answer: 6 faked moon landings, granddaddy of them all. (It’s a thin thread, but it’s all we got. Hang tight.)
While there is no proof that Team Moonipulators isn’t involved in the conspiracy, but with a team name like that feels like the burden of proof is on them. Maybe it’s the Chemtrails and/or the fluoride kicking in, but it’s just possible that the team whose name brazenly/unintentionally takes credit for manipulating the moon landings is trying to blow the whistle on everything. Regardless of the truth, it calls everything into question.
First off, we’ve never heard of their boat. A 34-foot, 1974 Vandestadt Legend? Oh, your Deep Fake to Alaska is going to allegedly use a boat that no one has ever heard of? Please. Even if we could embrace the forced Dutchery of the first part, the second part is a way too on the nose:
“Legend?”
Like “Myth?”
Like “Lie?”
Sure, you sent pictures to prove your boat’s real, but you potentially faked a moon landing, what won’t you do? JFK? Princess Di? 9/11? Were you even born in Kenya?
No, none of them were. Canadians all… wait… there’s a German—Aha! J’accuse!
(That awkward moment when you make a baseless, pointless, and public accusation that lacks both logic and sufficient evidence, everyone knows it, but you’re not going to apologize.)
Who are they? From our internal records: it looks like we know them, at least part of them, if we even exist. 1/5th of their crew made it to Ketchikan as part of Team Pitoraq in 2019 (…or did they?) The rest? A qualified and ready set of humans. Years of sailing experience, certificates, big races, and cruising to prove it (Swiftsure, 360-ing Vancouver Island, cruising up and down the Salish Sea), survival skills honed in the Canadian armed forces, first aid training, plus a varied set of cycle/hike/scuba/various adventure pursuits.
All of that, and apparently they still believe that Santa and Ketchikan are real. Sending a roll of tinfoil and hat making instructions in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
Welcome to the R2AK, Team Moonipulators. If any of this makes any sense to you, set your decoder ring to F-7 and we’ll see you in Port Townsend on 7 Imix’ (June 13, Mayan Calendar).