Team Lillian’s Vacation

by kelsey

More bios

Team members: Lillian Kuehl
Hometown: Port Angeles, WA, USA
Race vessel: Chesapeake Light Craft Expedition Wherry
LOA: 18′ 3″
Human propulsion: Row
Connect: website, facebook

Growing up, our mom would always point out people who had—what she called—“I’m Special” Buttons. These were people who seemed to feel licensed to cut in line, park in fire lanes, wear too much cologne, and otherwise ignore the social contract that keeps the threadbare fibers of this dying nation intact. The funny thing—she’d always point out—is that despite the popularity of “I’m Special” Buttons, she never could find their source to procure one for herself. 

If Lillian, of Team Lillian’s Vacation, is any evidence—“I’m Special” buttons must come from the same place they make the 1180 Awards. Lillian is a Race to Alaska veteran, with several SEVENTY48s and a WA360 under her belt, to boot. And it’s those muddy boots she’ll kick up on our couch because su casa es mi casa, amiright?

Whether it’s the late night texts with editorial notes on our bios, or early morning texts asking if she’s allowed to change vessels halfway through the race—one thing’s for sure: Lillian always has something to say. And while we here at Race HQ have never been ones for censorship or propriety, we are fans of self-preservation. The visionary wordsmith that is Lillian Kuehl submitted survey answers so inspired—and so obscene—were we to publish them, both she and we would inevitably end up on one-to-several government watchlists. So please: put your pearls, children, and Meemaws in a safe place, and enjoy what’s left of her interview after we sent it through legal.

We sat down with Lillian Kuehl over a bowl of four-letter words to talk about              ,                          , and which bar of soap tastes best.

What are the necessary components of a good adventure?

                                                                          in his                          face.

What’s a lesson you learned the hard way?

The circle of fifths:                                                                                               

What’s your favorite kind of bracket?

Gavin Brackett because he tells that                                                   to go to                          every time he wins this moronic             of a race!  

What’s your claim to fame?

I wake up in the             morning, watch an              school video, think I should do more swimming, go take a          , then live out my day doing                        and never saving a                        life.  If you want to find meaning in that, go choke on a            .  Maybe                        , in that                case, go ahead and                        .

It’s drizzling, freezing cold, and you’ve missed the tide. The cabin is leaky and the stove won’t light. How do you keep the good vibes going?

You                        ever heard of the phonetic alphabet?             that             and those             fixed-wing pilots all smug in their            —I’ll be busy making a better one, here’s a sample,            :                                                                   

Also I have a music playlist called                       .  THINK ABOUT IT SHEEPLE! DON’T BE MORONS, FIGURE IT OUT IT’S *MUSIC*.  

Forget the 10k or the steak knives. What does success look like for you and your team?

An             winching my sorry             out of this petulant             of a race that                        came up with, so I never again thrust my entry into it like a                                  .

Defend your vessel. What makes it worthy?

It’s the kind of piss-poor vessel                        has wanted to knock up and knock out of this                race every since I met that                        in a dark alley 4 runny-            years ago.  I hope it sinks to the bottom of the hellish sea so I can meet an             and we can both tell                        to drown in a vat of                                     . 

Blank space, baby. Write some things:

Some hellscapes are better left blank.                                  !

***

“Some hellscapes are better left blank.” Welcome back to Race to Alaska, Lillian. It’s like you never left, because you kinda never did.